I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
