the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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