the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
