doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
