I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
