she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
