VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
