Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
