I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
