P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
