i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
