I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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