you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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