omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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