If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
