Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
