Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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