to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
