i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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