Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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