How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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