The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
