Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
