i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
