I have demons in me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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