I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
