What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
