Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
