Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
