I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
