At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
