Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
