just tell him i said nine months
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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