it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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