Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
