i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this just has baby written all over it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
