wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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