listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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