Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize