Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
