As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
