I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
