Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
