I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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