allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
