but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
