I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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