guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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