I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
