Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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