i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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