The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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