If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
