I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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