how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
