FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
