matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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