Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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