why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize