can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I love you. Go after that dick
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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