I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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