So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
