i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
