i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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