Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
