i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
