Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You pole danced in your parka.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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