Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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