He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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