Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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