I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
